Musings of a Creative, Relationships

The case of the sneaky birthday surprise

Top secret intel! Confidential

Report 10232017

  • Agent on duty: Aimster Birthday-Diva
  • Suspects: Traitorous Double-Agent Boyfriend and Messenger Unknown
  • Victim: Aimster Birthday-Diva herself
  • Kill date: October 23, 2017

 

On Saturday throughout 0900 and 1200 hours, I witnessed Boyfriend receiving a number of messages via the Top Secret Facebook Messenger app. This was the elusive Messenger who had yet to be identified. I tried offering to check his device for messages, but I was denied. He’s onto me. But I’m onto him.

Message decoded: My boyfriend was getting an unusual number of notifications from Facebook Messenger this morning. He’s up to something. My birthday is Monday. What’s he planning? He won’t let me check his phone… Darn… I’m right…

Perhaps at the orchard an ambush will be waiting. I’ll remain on alert.

Message decoded: We’re going to Tanner’s orchard for cider donuts. Who would he invite to surprise me? My family, maybe. Friends Yasmeen or Courtney? That could be the only plausible people. Right? 

At approximately 1300 hours, I thought I saw the culprit, the Arch-nemesis doppelganger-Aimster at the orchard, but no – her sidekick wasn’t there. It was a misnomer.

Message decoded: I thought I saw my sister at the orchard, but her boyfriend wasn’t next to her so it can’t be her. Confirmed: she turned around and, sure enough, it wasn’t her. 

At approximately 1400 hours, we left the orchard. No ambush there. I ventured to ask about the Top Secret app. It was no spy mission, he said. I must have been over-vigilant in my suspicions.

Message decoded: No one was at Tanner’s to surprise me. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked him, “Soooo what were all those Facebook messages?” He said it was his friends talking about a game night. Seriously? That’s what I was freaking out about. Sigh. Curiosity always gets the better of me. 

At 1630 hours we had a rendezvous with the Benefactors. We had to relocate our meeting by helicopter, so close to doppelganger-Aimster. The helicopter was shot down oh so close to her lair. I was wounded and separated from the Boyfriend, but we were reunited to make it to the final checkpoint.

Message decoded: We met my grandparents for dinner at Olive Garden, next to my sister’s workplace. When driving to my grandparents house for a game, Josh asked if we’d stop to see Anna right next door. “We have to meet the grandparents,” I said. “Any other time I would.” But we had to stop at Dollar Tree right next to Anna’s work for a birthday candle at least, Josh insisted. I ran to the bathroom and we met at the car. 

At the final checkpoint, it was a battle of the minds. I was separated from my cohorts once again.

Message decoded: We played Upwards (like Scrabble, but different.) I went to the bathroom again. (There really is no privacy in the digital age is there? I promise this has a point…)

Target locked.

Sunday at 1230 hours, doppelganger-Aimster intercepted my transmissions. “I have captured Boyfriend and demand a ransom. You have 30 minutes.” I agreed to the terms – my spidey senses were right about those messages yesterday! He is in cahoots! At 1300 hours, she arrived and released Boyfriend in no time at all. She had all she needed for her master plan.

Message decoded: Sunday afternoon, Anna called and said, “Okay, I don’t know how to say this, but I’ve been talking to Josh, and it’s about your birthday so I can’t tell you more, but I need to come by and talk to him.” I knew it! He was messaging her! I confronted him, he blushed and said, “I was caught in a lie!!!!!” I told him it’s okay as long as they’re conspiring for me and not against 😉 She stopped by and only spoke with him for 30 seconds tops. That was quick. Now what…

Target engaged.

Monday at 0800 hours, the Boyfriend was called on a mission far far away. I had my own mission, so we packed our stock of weaponry. “You have the code?” he said. “Yes,” I said and punched in the code. Since our mission was complete, we removed all evidence of the lair.

Message decoded: Monday morning, I had to get to work. He had to return to the land of Wisconsin, his home goshdarnit. When we were going back to the apartment for a second load of stuff, he asked if I had my key, I said “Yes,” and opened the door, no prob. Nothing special there, just your run-of-the-mill, me opening the door thing. Our pumpkins we’d carved were rotting, so we threw them in the dumpster.

1200 hours: I tell the other secret agents of Traitorous Boyfriend and doppelganger-Aimster, the Secret Messenger. What could the ambush be? Why the ransom demands?When will the attack occur? Today is the kill date, but with after-effects for a week. No telling when the ambush will happen.

Message decoded: I tell my coworkers of Josh’s secrecy, conspiring with my sister about my birthday. What will the surprise be? And why did they need to meet for 30 seconds when they could have just talked over the phone? Today’s my birthday, but we’ll have a dinner together next Sunday, so maybe whatever it is won’t happen til then. Who knows…

1300 hours: An epiphany! He had asked if I had the code, when he always punches in the code. Perhaps he transferred his code to doppelganger-Aimster yesterday. The lair has been compromised! Alert alert! I prepared to be ransacked, and then reminded myself not to get too worked up. My code was safe and secure. My lair was safe and secure.

Message decoded: I had wondered why they needed to meet, and I suddenly realized… He always has the key to the apartment in his pocket, so most the time I don’t worry about having the key. But he asked me if I had the key. Which meant maybe he didn’t have it. Maybe he gave it to Anna so she could sneak in with balloons or something. He couldn’t give her the key through the phone, of course they’d have to meet. She’s going to be in my apartment! Why would he do that? But ooh, what would I find? Wait now, let’s not get ahead of ourselves, I’ll probably get home and open the door and be disappointed because I psyched myself up for nothing… It’s probably my overactive imagination… He probably had his key buried in the luggage… Silly me…

I return to the lair at 1700 hours and find it ransacked with a secret message. Doppelganger-Aimster has struck! Nowhere is safe! We’re all DOOOOOOOOMED!

Message decoded: I returned home that night and found a secret message (she actually did use our sisterly secret code to write it, that’s not my spy imagination story thing), dinner, dessert, and breakfast. I’m starting the holidays early and pigging out! 

I went undercover and questioned the culprits. I found every step of their plan and all it’s foibles and triumphs. Mission accomplished.

Message decoded: I asked Josh “How were you going to get the key to her?” He was thinking after Olive Garden we could stop at her work, but I didn’t go for it. However, I did not suspect when he asked, it sounded totally legitimate. Then when we were at Dollar Tree, he thought of running it over to her while I was in the bathroom, but he was worried I’d catch him in the act. Then when we were at my grandparents, and I was in the bathroom (again), he thought of giving it to my grandparents but thought (again) I might catch him in the act. He thought of hiding it in the pumpkins, which luckily he didn’t, because I insisted they were rotting and to throw them out. That would’ve been a flop! I asked if he thought I really did see Anna at the orchard, and he said no. Anna asked if they should have talked longer so I’d be less suspicious, but I don’t think that affected my suspicions. Anna talked about being stuck at work when he was so close and yet so far. How all these attempts to meet up were failing, so she decided to move things along and try for a hostage negotiation – err, I mean, a meet-up that I’m aware of – figuring it wouldn’t ruin the end surprise. She was right. I loved it. It was quite delightful! And I had to share the story with all of you blog readers 🙂 

Mission accomplished. 

This message will self-destruct in 5… 4… 3… 2…

Musings of a Creative, Relationships

Something better than a chai latte

You might remember me telling you about my recent terrible horrible no-good very-bad day.

And it all started with a broken mug, which the chai latte warned me about but I didn’t take heed. (Yes, chai lattes talk to me. Don’t they speak to you?)

 

Question: What is better than something that warns of imminent doom?

Answer: Someone who restores the broken, replaces the ruins, brings hope anew. Okay, fine, answer is my boyfriend. 

Who scoured the Google-verse to find a mug in Scotland that would sell in $$ and ship to America.

IMG_20170816_184128

 

And that’s how I have my scunnered mug back and I’m not in the least bit scunnered about it 😉

I’m so glad to have known this man for 2 years now….

Relationships

Practical tips for a long-distance relationship

Here’s some tips from my experience with LDR. This is how we survive the distance, things we probably wouldn’t use or do if we lived closeby.

Apps that go the distance:

  • Couple – track anniversaries, draw artwork together even when apart, “thumb kiss” where both phones vibrate when your thumbs touch the same place on your phone screen
  • Final Countdown (Apple or Android) – count down to the day you see each other again
  • Glympse – track their location as they drive to meet up with you

 

Gifts that go the distance:

  • A notebook – Josh got us a notebook last Christmas! I document our life for a few weeks and what we do together & apart, and when we see each other he takes it and has his turn. It’s neat to have it all documented. Maybe don’t bring the notebook on your first date though 😉 wait a bit haha.
  • Travel-size of your cologne/perfume – once again, this is not a first date thing. But it’s nice to spray a pillow or hoodie with your S/O scent when you can’t have them around 🙂
  • Audiobooks or comedy CD’s – for the long commutes
  • Extra car chargers, bluetooth speaker, essential oil car diffuser – anything to make the car a little more ready for that roadtrip
  • Suitcase – because I’m tired of stuffing 3 duffle bags with all my luggage

 

Finally, a reminder that goes the distance:

The long-distance is difficult to the extent that the significant other is so great. It’s one of those mathematical correlation things. See, I put it in graph form so it must be true:

super-scientifical-analysis-of-ldr

So take heart! If it’s difficult to be apart for long periods of time, that probably means you’re in a great relationship 🙂

 

Bonus tidbit: I wouldn’t have these ideas without my long-distance boyfriend of course, so I asked him what his tip would be. Answer: “Communicate alot. Talk alot when you’re apart.” We couldn’t decide if that makes it easier to be apart haha, but we definitely agreed it keeps the relationship strong while we’re apart. So do that! 🙂

Blog Signature - Crisper

Mental Health, Relationships

When you drive 230 miles thu a snowstorm for your long-distance bf

It starts with dancing to Lady Gaga while cruising through the flurries. Not a care in the world. It goes downhill though, beware.

Here’s how it happened for me:

Halfway through it got rough. Ice on my windshield wipers kept them from clearing my windshield, and I was seeing through a sliver.

It was one of those moments where I knew God is for me in an overall sense, but then I start analyzing whether my greatest good and His greatest glory will actually come from me dying or at least suffering a horrific car crash. And hoping that His glory comes from, ya know, me being safe and sound in my car and then cozied up at Josh’s. (World, meet my boyfriend Josh.)

I finally found a gas station to clean my windshield at, but got stuck in the middle of the road because the town hadn’t plowed their roads yet. That’s when I burst into tears the first time (lol and also, ya know, not funny)…

then I got back on the road and was sliding all around the interstate while cars raced past me. Even though I was in the town right next to my destination, I thought about stopping at a hotel because I wasn’t sure I’d make it.

I was most positive I would die, or at least enter a horrific coma, when Josh told me his coworker was driving just a couple miles away from me on the same interstate. I was like, ya know how this works right? Too big a coincidence, snowstorm and closeby coworker means one of the following:

  1. I crash and die and Josh calls his coworker to go check on me and make sure I’m alive but of course I’m not
  2. I crash and go unconscious so I can’t respond to Josh and Josh calls his coworker to check on me and the coworker rushes to save my life and get me to the hospital

 

That’s how it’d happen in the movies anyhow 🙂

 

But I did in fact make it and pulled into Josh’s alleyway, only to get stuck there. Burst into tears a second time because I was so close but also so so far. After awhile, I was able to back out and park on the street.

 

The trip which usually takes 3.5-4hrs actually took almost 6.5 hrs. And I told Josh I’m never visiting him again during inclement weather, unless he’s on his deathbed or stranded and freezing.

 

Luckily, the ride home was fine. I saw a few people on the side of the road, and got stuck in traffic for 45 minutes from someone else’s car crash, but I at least had no problems.

So if you’re thinking of driving through a snowstorm this winter, cozy up by the fireplace with a book instead. Or face the consequences 😛

 

Blog Signature - Crisper

 

Relationships

Once Upon a Budding Romance

 

14352559_10100347044029752_795721094441323780_o

It’s been a year since we started dating. What was that first date like?

  • He accidentally gave me the address to an abandoned warehouse for us to meet.
  • We figured out ahead of time and then joked that he was a serial killer.
    • I really hoped he wasn’t a serial killer.
  • We got coffee and played Speed Scrabble. He won at Speed Scrabble and I tried not to mind even though he’s Biology guy and I’m the Literature gal.
  • He had a surprise to take me to. I hopped in his car, telling him I’d call 911 if he turned out to be a serial killer.
    • I really really hoped he wasn’t a serial killer.
    • He did NOT pull a gun on me.
    • Am I an idiot?
  • He took me to the Japanese Gardens. I was impressed, that a guy could surprise a girl with an actually good surprise on their first time meeting.
  • We took a walk in the park and talked about my like and his dislike of abstract art.
    • When we walked through an abandoned tunnel in the park, we joked that this is where the murder happens.
    • I really hoped he wasn’t a serial killer.
  • I slipped in the mud and fell about an inch into the river.
    • I apologized for my shoes if they accidentally got mud in his car. He said he didn’t care.
    • I don’t know if I believe him.
  • We ended the night at a Japanese restaurant.
  • It was also prom night, so we were surrounded by fancy-dressed high schoolers.
  • We returned to my car in the empty coffee-shop parking lot. We parted ways.
    • I lived to see another day.

 

And on this one year anniversary, my writerly/readerly self knows all so well that you can know someone for years and years and never find out they’re a serial killer….until it’s too late 😉

 

Blog Signature - Crisper

Mental Health, Musings of a Creative, Relationships

Living is the Hardest Part

“We say that writing is the hardest part, but I think that living is the hardest part.”

 

I haven’t written much in the past 6 months. And I wasn’t okay with it.

How long can a writer go without writing and still be called a writer? 

I wasn’t okay. Until I had this quote come up in my Facebook memories –

 

“We say that writing is the hardest part, but I think that living is the hardest part.”

Hannah Brencher said that in a class I took about a year ago. (P.S. Everyone go take her class or read her blog or follow her facebook/twitter/instagram or buy her book. You can’t regret it.)

 

The truth is, I haven’t been writing lately. I’ve been living. And learning to live. I explored new places. I met new people, and am learning not to panic about it. I actually have had multiple sunburns this summer. I’m living.

 

I’m still not entirely okay with not writing. I’m more emotional. (Can you believe it? Me, more emotional than I already am!? And my boyfriend gets the brunt of it, and – get this – still likes me! He’s a keeper 🙂 ) I feel a bit like I’m floating around without an anchor, not really sure where I’m going in life or what I’m working towards.

So I have to write. But I have to live. I have to intentionally choose both writing and living and know when to choose which. That’s what I’m learning right now.

 

I don’t know what that means for this blog. I hope to get back to weekly postings. You can count on me posting semi-regularly on Thursdays. Upcoming posts you’ll hear more of what I’ve been up to. And thinking. And living. Who knows 🙂 Thanks for sticking with me!

 

 

Blog Signature - Crisper

Relationships

Once Upon 6 Months Ago…

There was a handsome prince who scoured the land. We call him a snowman. Or Wisconsin Guy. Or more commonly, Josh.

He came upon this princess here. We call her a penguin. Or Amy L Sauder. Or just Amy, I suppose.

 

In his attempts to woo this princess, he accidentally created a blog….oops? He wrote this. And this.  And this. Isn’t he perfect? 🙂

624_10100265704300222_7811345328839324241_n

 

He noticed she was without a whisk, so he bought her one. He noticed she was without flowers on a sad day, so he sent her some. He noticed she was without a boyfriend, and he swept her off her feet.

 

And as of Saturday of this week, they’ll have known each other for 6 months.

12670193_10100263819302772_3997723919246126080_n

So most my posts aren’t gonna wax eloquent about my amazing Wisconsin guy, but this one will. I’ve loved these 6 months and it’s just not enough time. Maybe in 3000 weeks we can reevaluate, but I think I want to spend just about every minute with you, my Wisconsin Guy.

 

Blog Signature - Crisper