Narcissist Confessions, in 4 Parts


Part 1: The Wrong Kind of Love

Part of the truth is I love too wholly, too quickly. But not the right love; the wrong love. The love that swallows you whole, suffocates you ’til all that’s left is a bigger version of me. I want to see you, because you see the me I want to see.

And as soon as I get that close, I run. ‘Cause big me is addicting, but I will burst into little me any second and I just can’t stand to see that. And it’s best to just move on to the next person that can make me big. Perpetuate this endless cycle.

I squeeze too tight and run too much, both in embarrassingly high amounts, because I don’t know how to just be with you.

Part 2: The Tight, Uncomfortable Squeeze for Both of Us

But I’m learning. I’m changing, or at least I tell myself that, if its not just to make me bigger. If you’re willing, here, crawl in next to me. I’m trying to make some room, but please, forgive me if I fill too much.
Do you know what it’s like? I let my feelings own me. Not control me, there’s a balance of saying “not this far.” But I let them take over, I #feelthefeels. Small things will overwhelm my countenance. I suppose I’m dramatic….even this post is painting a potent filtered condensed version of who I am. I’m an explosion, if only on the inside.

There’s too much human-being-ness oozing out of me.

Part 3: The Tightrope

Sometimes I don’t get the nonartistic temperament. It’s so tempered and stable and makes me feel too volatile and too full and too too. But I need balance. And maybe you need over-the-top. And maybe it’s all just right as we are.

I think we forget that God isn’t always a whisper; He’s also a whirlwind. And people aren’t whirlwinds or whispers; they’re just people. So we can be whirlwind and then whisper and then explosion and so full and so tiny all at once. And I think I can see that in you. If I try. If you let me try.

Part 4: The Haunting

The question that plagues me: “Will you follow through if I fall for you?

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